Manly Masculine Arms
by Draco's Fantasizer
Summary: One shot parody starring the one-and-only Draco Malfoy, R & R


Disclaimer: This was written by me and my friend. I don't own Harry Potter or anything JK Rowling does, which is pretty much everything. Don't sue. Constructive criticism is appreciated.  
  
Draco caressed his golden chesthairs thoughtfully. With a lazy flick of his wand, a butler entered the room bearing a stack of ties, all in various shades of lustrous silver to accentuate his eyes. Draco waved his hand impatiently. "Yes, yes, but do they set off my hair?" The butler raised his eyebrows. "Of course, master Malfoy! Nothing can mar your appearance." He took in all of Draco- from his sensuously parted lips down to the fluffy white towel draped low over his hips. Draco gazed at him suspiciously, "Giles, have you been fondling my hair brush again?" The butler lowered his eyes embarrassedly, suddenly very much interested in his feet. Draco cast an arrogant smirk at his servant. "You know, Giles, I was never in favour of having a gay butler. Although admittedly, it is nice to have someone who can match the stunning colour of my eyes so well with my wardrobe." Giles blushed demurely, muttering something under his breath about how being a butler did have its upsides. "I believe these trousers would compliment that healthy summer glow you've acquired." It was true, many days of lounging in the manor gardens had added a golden glow to Draco's milky-white, supple skin and given him a very lean and toned body. His arms were especially noteworthy. Hell, he was gorgeous. Admittedly, he was normally gorgeous, but he felt much more so now. He was ready to face the world and, once again, devastate the female population of Hogwarts. Draco Malfoy was back. And better than ever.   
The steam from the scarlet Hogwarts train was billowing as Draco draped himself on a plush seat. He lazily glanced over at a Hufflepuff third-year who had just entered his compartment. He raised an eyebrow at her in a haughty smirk. She blushed deeply and attempted to say "hello" but failed on the third try. She finally contented herself with fainting on the floor.  
  
With a crashing noise, Draco's minions, Crabbe and Goyle, lumbered troll-like into the compartment. The moment they gazed at Draco's newly acquired summer glow, they gaped stupidly and stumbled over the Hufflepuff girl, landing at Draco's feet. "Oh dear," remarked Draco indifferently, withdrawing his feet to avoid Goyle's extensive drool. He began to examine his cuticles. Suddenly, with a burst of noise and a whirl of red hair, Ron Weasley burst into the compartment, trailed closely by Hermione Granger. Hermione had her copy of Hogwarts, A History out and was attempting to lecture Ron on the finer points of train safety.  
"You do not throw other people out the windows!" she said shrilly, pointing her finger at a long and, inevitably, very boring passage. "Especially Harry!"  
"Yes, it would be a real shame if Potter were to meet his death falling out of a train window," said Draco, pensively.  
Hermione beamed.  
Ron glared. He had not noticed the occupants of the compartment. "What're you doing here, Malfoy?"  
"In case you failed to notice, Weasley, you have tripped over your large feet and landed in my compartment," Draco replied, stretching out his legs.  
Ron's ears went red.  
Unfazed, Hermione remarked: "You know, Ron- this is the only free compartment. We may as well sit here."  
With that said, she seated herself across from Draco and immersed herself once again in the voluminous pages of her book.  
Casting a glare of pure loathing at Draco, Ron seated himself beside her. Hermione, Draco had noticed, had done something different with her hair. She exasperatedly blew the now-sleek tendrils out of her eyes. For some reason, Draco found this simple gesture very alluring. Unbeknown to Draco, Hermione was studying him out of the corner of her eye.  
His tan is very sexy, she thought. And the way that he has the top three buttons of his crisp white shirt undone... and the hairs on his chest...and ... and...  
She leaned towards him, longing to throw herself into his manly, masculine arms.  
I wonder if she thinks my arms are manly and masculine, wondered Draco.  
"Hermione," said Ron through gritted teeth. "Stop staring at Draco!"  
"Actually, I find it rather flattering," remarked Draco. "Do you find my arms are manly and masculine?"  
The colour left Hermione's face.  
"Err..... no! I mean.. yes! Maybe?" She looked at Ron for help.  
But Ron, having seen too much, stormed out of the compartment, disgusted. Maybe Harry wanted to play a game of exploding snap.  
A very uncomfortable silence followed.  
Casting around for something to say, Hermione took notice of Rachel sprawled on the floor..  
  
"Why is there a mysterious Hufflepuff, named Rachel by-the-way, on the floor of our compartment?" Hermione asked, curiously  
"Oh, I don't really know," remarked Draco, raising the other eyebrow. "Perhaps she was intimidated by my manly and masculine arms."  
Hermione accepted this as a perfectly logical explanation. "Oh, all right."  
Draco and Hermione silently contemplated what could have possibly happened to Crabbe, Goyle, Ron, and Harry. Fortunately, these thoughts were replaced by the mutual lust they felt when they gazed into each other's eyes.  
Forgetting herself, Hermione reached out to caress his manly and masculine arms.  
"Hermione," Draco whispered seductively, "perhaps we would be more comfortable in the strategically-placed broom closet."  
Hermione took some time to ponder this. Logically, she decided, yes, that would be a much better place for me to caress his manly and masculine arms. I wonder why that broom closet is not mentioned in Hogwarts, A History, she wondered, as a side note. 


End file.
